Feb 26, 2013 11:30pm PST
, as the cardinal of cable, i'm giving you nave to narthex coverage of pope benedict's resignation in my new series "popewatch: inde-schism 2013." [cheers and applause] remembers -- remembers folks -- remember, it has been over 700 years since anyone has voluntarily depoped themselves. [laughter] well, buckle your chausable, because there are dramatic new developments. we all know that when a cardinal is elevated to the papacy, he becomes the heir of st. peter there choose a new name. so, naturally, now that benedict xvi is leaving office, he has asked that we call him simply: benedict the xvi. [laughter] okay. okay. that's understandable. he doesn't want to have to get new towels and stuff. [laughter] but that's not all. he says he's still going to be pope emiritus and his holiness, continue to wear the white robes and live in the vatican. [laughter] folks, that means there's going to be two pontiffs. we're one pope over the line-- sweet jesus, one pope over the line. [laughter] [cheers and applause] it'll be chaos. you can't have one vatican with two popes. it's like gotham with multiple batmans.
Feb 25, 2013 11:30pm PST
and applause] nation, as you may know, on thursday pope benedict will be stepping down. and as television's foremost roman catholic i'll have full coverage of this story in pope watch: 2013678 i'll be on the ground live from rome to cover the story up close and papal. this wednesday il papa will give his last public audience and circle st. peter's square in the pope noble salute the enormous crowd. naturally, the jackals in the media are take advantage of pope's exit to strike with new scandal rumors. >> blackmail sex scandal. allegations involving the catholic's church. >> allegations involving sex, prostitution and blackmail. >> a secret network of gay priests. >> alleges that a network that they may have made themselves vulnerable to male prostitutions. >> stephen: that's right. there's even claims of hidden camera footage. [ laughter ] but, folks, i don't believe that vatican footage. there are women in there. [laughter] this information -- [cheers and applause] -- not allowed. they are just not allowed in. this information about sex parties allegedly comes from an investigation the